:: Growing Up ::
Growing up is a process of learning new things, experiencing new things and learning from past mistakes. However, how does one grow up when the process is being retarded by other people?
One major factor which retards the process of growing up is parents. Despite all the love that a child can have for parents, a overly controlling parent can seriously damage this relationship. Children naturally want to get what they want. When they do not get what they want, they throw a tantrum. However, most of the time, the decision making is by the parents who are more experienced and know what is best for the child.
As the child grows up, he or she learns, develops and experiences new things. There will come a point in time when the child sees things that he or she desires, but is unable to obtain it due to parents restrictions. There are two sides to this story. From the child's point of view: "I'm old enough to decide what is right and wrong for me. My parents don't understand what I really want. Why can't they let me decide on my own?". From the parents point of view: "This kid doesn't know what he wants. He should listen to me because I am the head of the family, and when I say no, I really mean no."
I am sure everybody has come across this scenario before. These situations are more apparent during the teenage years, when the child (teenager) believes that he or she is old enough to make decisions, while the parents think that the child (teenager) is still too young and naive. The problem exists due to the dual roles that the child (too tired to type teenager) has to play. Sometimes, the child is still young and naive. He or she must listen to the parents and obey the parents because that is what good children do. On th other hand, the child is an adult, who is already in secondary school and ought to know what is right and what is wrong. "Still don't want to do homework? Aren't you old enough to know that you should do your homework?" (Right!) Who decides on which role the child has to play? The parents of course. Parents will choose the role that the child should play depending on the situation, and the choice would be the one that would favour them. Therefore, the existance of the two roles that have to be played simultaneously by the child confuses the child and can create great psychological distress.
How do we solve this problem? One way would be to grab the bull by its horns and confront the parents directly. Explaining to the parents that "I am old enough. I know what is right and what is wrong." followed by everyday proof to back up that claim is the best method. However, parents can be stubborn at times and reject the notion completely. "What makes you think you are old enough to make these decisions? Now go and do your homework before I disown you!" On the other hand, the parents may realize that "Hmmm... the fact that this kid can think like this shows some form of maturity. Okay kid, I mean, teenager, you can go to the movies and do your homework later" (Yeah right!)
Another method which worked for me was to go against the words of your parents to show that you are capable of things. The scenario is this: I was not allowed to return home after midnight (Don't laugh, scums). However, this was greatly disturbing my nightlife (!) because, as we all know, NO nightlife ends at 12. However, I know that my mum won't sleep until I reach home. Therefore, I duly complied to the "orders", until one day, I decided to test the waters. I purposely reached home at 1230AM, and I was surprised to see my mum still awake. Feeling guilty, I decided not to do that anymore, until one day, I reached home after 12 due to unforseen circumstances. To my surprise, she had already gone to bed. After that, there were no more 12 midnight curfews. Just had to call home to say that I will be back late.
Perhaps, the first time I came back late ALIVE reassured my mum that I was capable of taking care of myself. Of course, showing great maturity during other situations (muahahaha) helped a lot by forming a favorable attitude towards me.
I love Human Resource Management (HRM).
Growing up is a process of learning new things, experiencing new things and learning from past mistakes. However, how does one grow up when the process is being retarded by other people?
One major factor which retards the process of growing up is parents. Despite all the love that a child can have for parents, a overly controlling parent can seriously damage this relationship. Children naturally want to get what they want. When they do not get what they want, they throw a tantrum. However, most of the time, the decision making is by the parents who are more experienced and know what is best for the child.
As the child grows up, he or she learns, develops and experiences new things. There will come a point in time when the child sees things that he or she desires, but is unable to obtain it due to parents restrictions. There are two sides to this story. From the child's point of view: "I'm old enough to decide what is right and wrong for me. My parents don't understand what I really want. Why can't they let me decide on my own?". From the parents point of view: "This kid doesn't know what he wants. He should listen to me because I am the head of the family, and when I say no, I really mean no."
I am sure everybody has come across this scenario before. These situations are more apparent during the teenage years, when the child (teenager) believes that he or she is old enough to make decisions, while the parents think that the child (teenager) is still too young and naive. The problem exists due to the dual roles that the child (too tired to type teenager) has to play. Sometimes, the child is still young and naive. He or she must listen to the parents and obey the parents because that is what good children do. On th other hand, the child is an adult, who is already in secondary school and ought to know what is right and what is wrong. "Still don't want to do homework? Aren't you old enough to know that you should do your homework?" (Right!) Who decides on which role the child has to play? The parents of course. Parents will choose the role that the child should play depending on the situation, and the choice would be the one that would favour them. Therefore, the existance of the two roles that have to be played simultaneously by the child confuses the child and can create great psychological distress.
How do we solve this problem? One way would be to grab the bull by its horns and confront the parents directly. Explaining to the parents that "I am old enough. I know what is right and what is wrong." followed by everyday proof to back up that claim is the best method. However, parents can be stubborn at times and reject the notion completely. "What makes you think you are old enough to make these decisions? Now go and do your homework before I disown you!" On the other hand, the parents may realize that "Hmmm... the fact that this kid can think like this shows some form of maturity. Okay kid, I mean, teenager, you can go to the movies and do your homework later" (Yeah right!)
Another method which worked for me was to go against the words of your parents to show that you are capable of things. The scenario is this: I was not allowed to return home after midnight (Don't laugh, scums). However, this was greatly disturbing my nightlife (!) because, as we all know, NO nightlife ends at 12. However, I know that my mum won't sleep until I reach home. Therefore, I duly complied to the "orders", until one day, I decided to test the waters. I purposely reached home at 1230AM, and I was surprised to see my mum still awake. Feeling guilty, I decided not to do that anymore, until one day, I reached home after 12 due to unforseen circumstances. To my surprise, she had already gone to bed. After that, there were no more 12 midnight curfews. Just had to call home to say that I will be back late.
Perhaps, the first time I came back late ALIVE reassured my mum that I was capable of taking care of myself. Of course, showing great maturity during other situations (muahahaha) helped a lot by forming a favorable attitude towards me.
I love Human Resource Management (HRM).
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